Jesus Points!

You might find this surprising, but I'm not a big believer in burning bridges.  Even when I don’t love a decision of someone/an organization, I don’t often feel compelled to call them out as you never know when you might need them later on in life.  There is however one bridge that I am willing to figuratively douse in lighter fluid and set ablaze - and that would be the bridge to most of my former youth leaders in church.   I have used the term “emotional vampires” to describe them and I stand by that firmly - I truly want nothing to do with them ever again.

Growing up in a Baptist church environment, there were a number of things that drove me crazy, but none more than youth leaders who acted as if they were walking prophets.  One of my youth leaders said that the world would end before any of us graduated college.  Another said that not maintaining regular Bible study attendance would be the first step on the path to hell (which is funny because according to the Bible, which they seemed to love, no one knows the day and hour of Christ’s return/end of the world, and the only way for a Christian to end up in hell would be for an act of blasphemy, but when a youth leader wants to make a point, scare tactics are usually the tool they use.).  A couple youth leaders in particular would often play the role of Dr.Phil, trying to get teens to spill all of their problems and make them think that they had all the answers.  There were some pretty f***ed up kids I came into contact with during my youth group days, and instead of getting the proper professional help they probably needed, they were simply given a spoon full of kumbaya (which spell check wants to call jambalaya) and maybe a prayer circle if the situation was really intense, and off they went.  

At first, I thought the youth leaders of my former church genuinely cared about the teens they came into contact with.  And they might actually believe that they did.  But there was a point where I believe they let their role as someone doing God’s work transform into acting on God’s will - a will that they misinterpreted or made up altogether.  It was almost like they were in some sort of twisted religious video game, and at every turn they were trying to earn “Jesus points”.  Up until a couple of years ago, one of my youth leaders even came to my work a few times to try and get me to go back to church.  Game over, no “Jesus points” for you!  I’m not ashamed or guilty that on one of these visits I lied and told the youth leader in question that I was active in another church (and even chose the name of a church I knew of) just to get them off my back.  It worked (and don’t tell)!  

Some may look at it as if they cared, but I can tell you that it goes beyond that.  These are people that not only screwed up a large part of my adolescence, but continue to interject their way into the lives of those close to me - and not in a good way.   They are some of the most spiritually ignorant people I have ever met.  They are the epitome of a modern day Pharisee.  Like with the two previous posts on this blog, I am sure my situation doesn't represent every situation, and I’m sure there are youth leader’s out there doing amazing things.  But not in my case, and I know I’m not alone.  If you are a parent with kids in youth group, I would be very invested in what happens when you drop your children off at church.  Find out what these people are telling your kids, and see if that reconciles with scripture.  A lot of these people are just volunteers - not religiously educated folks.  Just because it’s church, doesn't mean it’s safe.  

I Kant Haz Homskooling

***Before you read the following post, be warned - I am not pro-homeschooling. I will say I’m sure it can work for a select few, and I know my personal experience doesn't mean everyone else had the same ordeals, but in theory, I find it irresponsible. If you don’t think you can handle a contradicting opinion, I would direct yourself to http://icanhas.cheezburger.com/ where you can find things that will keep you busy for a while.***

I was homeschooled for nine years. If you’re a casual acquaintance of mine and I didn’t mention this to you, you’re now probably thinking “Oh that makes sense.” I scream former homeschooled kid like Chris Christie screams when you take the last slice of pizza. Looking back on this large block of my academic years (grades two through ten to be precise) I am left with one overwhelming statement: What the hell were my parents thinking!?

I find homeschooling hilarious in nature. Needing absolutely no background in education whatsoever, a parent can choose to “play school” with their child(ren) needing nothing more than the will to do so (this is the case in Massachusetts - I know the laws vary by state, but as a whole, they are too loose). Fun fact: According to US News article from a few years ago (http://www.usnews.com/news/religion/articles/2009/01/09/as-home-schooling-surges-the-evangelical-share-drops), approximately 83% of homeschoolers are educated due to moral and/or religious reasons. That is exactly why my parents decided to homeschool my brothers and I. When I was in first grade, my hometown announced they were going to try out a special grade school sex-ed program (this is how I remember it mind you, but I was seven and I’m sure I don’t know the whole story), and that paired with the impending evolution lessons were enough to get the Barbour Schoolhouse open for business.

Here is how an average day would go: School started at 8:30AM, in theory. My brothers and I often took advantage of my mother’s absolute inability to serve as a disciplinarian, delaying like the evil little brats we were. Once we did finally get going, we began with a daily prayer. From what I recall, my brothers and I would take turns in this ritual. I know on days we really didn't feel like getting to work we’d miraculously have a lot to say to God. After this was done, my mom would usually send me to my room to work while she began a lesson with my little brothers. Sometimes I got her attention first, but it was rare as I was far easier to motivate independently than my brothers. I would go to my bedroom, choose any subject I felt like (usually English/Reading), jump into my bed to read my assignment, and often fall asleep after a few pages. I actually chose my English textbook so often that I finished well ahead of any of the others (like by January), whereas my math, history, and science books would get about as much individual attention as a Gosselin sextuplet. All of our textbooks were religious, from the Bob Jones University. They were designed for parents to step into the role of Christian school teacher at the flip of a page. My mom relied way too heavily on these books to perform their magic teaching powers. I was rarely tested or quizzed, had to write a grand total of one paper in nine years, and absorbed very little of what I was taught in the subjects that my mother herself was weak in.

Economics class was the best. Every day, promptly at 11AM, my brothers and I would all be taught by the same old man...his name was Bob Barker. The Price is Right was one of the only real constants in my homeschooling. To be fair, my mother called this our “lunch hour” (which was usually 120 minutes), not really economics. My mom would make us something to eat, and we’d all have fun yelling at the screen and trying to be the one to fake win the showcases at the end. It seemed perfectly okay at the time, but now I look back on it as such a disgusting waste. I believe that my mother really did try for a while, but it was her lack of training and discipline that ultimately hurt my brothers and I. To do almost anything professionally, at least some professional training is required. Why is it our society seems to be okay with omitting a child’s education from that list?

Some might argue that I’m being too harsh on my mother - she gave up nine years of her life to stay at home and slave away for her three kids. I don’t agree - I take education seriously (now!), and she should have known she wasn't capable of taking the schooling of three energetic boys into her own hands. There were way too many days spent not maximizing the opportunities given in this setting. She knew things weren't right, she had to - but it took her way too long to do something about it. When she finally did, and my father (who worked full time) got the real scope of what was or wasn't going on, my brothers and I were sent back to school - a private Christian school of course (another post is coming on that experience).

Aside from the educational disadvantages, there were also the social setbacks. As much as I got involved with groups of neighborhood kids, church programs, and sports teams, I was always on the outside. Let me tell you starting your junior year of high school after nine years of homeschooling is about as scary as it gets. How I made any friends in my final two years of high school is a testament to some of my wonderful classmates in the Whitinsville Christian School class of ‘02.

I really believe anyone seriously thinking about homeschooling their child(ren) should think long and hard about the negative consequences. I’m sure there are some parents who are extremely intelligent, but being smart does not a teacher make. I knew plenty of college professors who were brilliant people but couldn't teach if their life depended on it. And for those parents that are trained teachers, there is still the social deprivation children go through being taught at home. There are undoubtedly more social opportunities in school, good and bad. I think many parents choose homeschooling out of an ignorant fear - a fear that they will no longer control what their children are learning. Fear that their opinions and beliefs will get outweighed by the information children are taught in school. Fear that they will have to explain things that even they don’t fully understand, and in some cases don't fully believe themselves. Well to these folks I can say this confidently - you can’t shield your children forever, and if you do for too long, your children might end up looking back in anger, wishing they were taught in a more traditional way. I do almost every single day.

I Have Decided To Follow Jesus but Not Watch Duck Dynasty

Today I finished reading the excellent blog-turned-book Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh.  She likes to use irreverent hand-drawn comics to illustrate different things from her life - some funny, some sad, some random - but all touching and accompanied with an often equally moving blog post.  I will admit a few things from the get go - I am NO Allie Brosh (although her thoughts on depression almost mimic my own) - I'm not trying to be like her nor could be, both in artistry (as proven the left/top) and dialog (as proven below).  I am not the most committed blogger (I have like eight dead ones, and two on life support).  But I liked the idea Brosh had of revisiting things from the past, even the dark things, and reflecting on them with a bit of humor.  I thought I would write a blog focusing on my uber-religious upbringing, but I would apply Brosh's approach of not just being bitter about everything.  I have had a few people tell me I should blog more, but I suspect that was just a way to get me to shut up to them about all the things in my life that bother me (and boy are there many!).  My first instinct was to just write a blog about all the things I hate about organized religion - a take-no-prisoners expose of the endless hypocrites that are out there.  The problem, if you can call it that though, is that I remain a Christian.  A proud Christian - not the Duck Dynasty watching, evolution mocking, gay-hating, vandalize Planned Parenthood buildings, and Republican voting follower of white Jesus.  I'm a guy who is smart enough NOT to know everything, sensitive enough to know there are probably things I believe that are wrong so I shouldn't go judging others, and stupid enough to think there may be other Christians out there who might just have a thing or two in common with me.  If nothing else, even if nobody reads this, it will provide me with some self-therapy to try and get over some things that have haunted me for over a decade.  If you get to know me along the way, and want to chime in, I welcome it - even if you completely disagree with something I write.  Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Dan, and if you haven't picked up on it already, I'm angry.

James 1:19-20

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

That is a great Bible verse.  And it will help me to remain civil and keep my profanity to a minimum while writing this blog.  As I said though, I am angry, however I did not get here quickly.  I am thirty years old, single, and just about over organized religion.  Not over God.  Not over Jesus.  I'm talking about church, where many spend their time not only ignoring the part of the Bible that says not to cast the first stone, but actually hold classes in how to pitch said stones.

Now, I am sure there are some great churches out there.  This blog is not meant to bash on the hard working folks who are bringing those into God's Kingdom.  This blog is meant as a way for me to vent about my awkward upbringing in the church I attended, specifically in my teenage years, as well as other things that bother me (not just religious, but that's the major inspiration for this blog).  I want those that aren't Christians to know that not every Christian is a monster.

Why start this blog now?  I have a major motivation I cannot discuss publicly (yet), but let me just say, I have seen one too many times the failure of a church to act in a scriptural way, and I cannot keep my anger in any longer.  Jesus was and is awesome.  I love Him.  But I hate many of His so-called flock.  I don't want this anger, I don't want this hate, so I need to work through it. And I have no qualms with doing that publicly.